What to do of an evening?

Here we are, a roaring fiend of a woman to my left, a hairy dithering lankpot to my right and me, poor little Joe, stuck in the middle. The beatings have now commenced, my harpy mate raining blows on my head with the fury and vengeance of a woman scorned.

I jest. I love those guys. They're both nice and sweet and the world is a better place with them in it. I'm patronizing now, she says.

Some people are never happy.

Hey there sportsfans!

I wrote this on the Examiner website not long back, so gee willikers, I may as well put it on here:

"The truth about Irish sports fans is as far removed from the myth as it is possible to get. We have contrived to somehow create for ourselves the reputation as the world's greatest fans but in reality that is a total sham. The truth is that we sing when we're winning. If our teams are not successful at the highest level of their game then interest quickly dwindles. Unfortunately, the LOI suffers hugely from this malaise that affects Irish sports fan.

While 4,000 is an excellent attendance for the LOI it is shameful when you consider the overall popularity of football in this country. Whilst every man and his dog will pin his flag to a Premiership, or even Scottish, team the interest in the LOI is minimal. The barstoolers will point to the quality of the football - "I'm not paying 15 quid to watch that rubbish". Yet they will happily spend 15 quid on pints to watch the big Celtic game on the weekend - despite the fact that quality wise the SPL is not far removed from the LOI.

The GAA and rugby are often cited as the competition to the LOI but many (if not most) sportsfans (bit of Americana for you there) I know follow all three disciplines. Following one sport should not impinge on the enjoyment of another. If we look at it from a grassroots level and at the membership of local soccer clubs throughout the country we see the soccer is a hugely popular sport. But that doesn't translate to the LOI.

The truth hurts. And the truth is that we, as a general public, are only interested in success. Every year for the LOI is a struggle, some clubs like Cork City living week on week. Irish people prefer the glitz, glamour and success of a league in another country, a country whose sporting failures we then revel in. Hypocrisy? Perhaps. But it is certainly a very sad and painful truth."

Nothing like waxing lyrical over football.

Nothing Added but Balls

I became very lazy once again and now, having at last found the time to type out some prattle for you darling folks out there, I cannot think of anything to write about. Ideas, as is their wont, have come and gone in the past two weeks since I last deigned to visit this little blog and now I am bereft of inspiration. What I actually need is people to read this rubbish and tell me that I'm an idiot. Such heinous slurs against my character will motivate such fury within me that my keyboard hero instincts will kick in. I will then create the most furiously beautiul, or beautifully furious, piece of prose with which to DESTROY the feeble minds of my Interwebtual assailants.

Instead I just sit here slack jawed, praying that the Gods will look kindly upon me and send a little idea fizzing down from the heavens just for little old Joe. Just a little one is all I need. I'm a simple man.

Rest assured, I will be back when I think of something. I swears it.

And a thousand cheesemakers whisper under their breath..."Edam well better brie". Felt I had to crowbar that one in somewhere. Oh dear.

What?

The idea is that parrot society is very equal because of their constant efforts to achieve parity/parroty. And their women's lib slogan is "Polly wants a cracker." That's the general idea. I don't know what to do with it though. You work it out you prick.